Rules for (In)Effective Communication

The following was provided to us by an advertising exec, and while slightly off topic for the normal coverage of The Basis Point, the workplace relevance is sure to resonate.

Some of you may be aware of TED (stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design). It’s a series of conferences featuring a series of smart speakers talking about smart things that just might save us from ourselves. OK, so maybe you haven’t heard of TED. Fine, neither had I until I Googled ways to be a ‘more effective business communicator.’ During this mindless web surf, I found The TED Commandments—rules every speaker needs to know. Below is that that list:

1. Thou Shalt Not Simply Trot Out thy Usual Shtick

2. Thou Shalt Dream a Great Dream, or Show Forth a Wondrous New Thing, Or Share Something Thou Hast Never Shared Before

3. Thou Shalt Reveal thy Curiosity and Thy Passion

4. Thou Shalt Tell a Story

5. Thou Shalt Freely Comment on the Utterances of Other Speakers for the Skae of Blessed Connection and Exquisite Controversy

6. Thou Shalt Not Flaunt thine Ego. Be Thou Vulnerable. Speak of thy Failure as well as thy Success.

7. Thou Shalt Not Sell from the Stage: Neither thy Company, thy Goods, thy Writings, nor thy Desparate need for Funding; Lest Thou be Cast Aside into Outer Darkness.

8. Thou Shalt Remember all the while: Laughter is Good.

9. Thou Shalt Not Read thy Speech.

10. Thou Shalt Not Steal the Time of Them that Follow Thee

This is all well and good, with every point making sense—but maybe too much sense. Well, yeah, they make way too much sense in comparison to how things actually go down when a presentation is prepared and presented. Here’s my revised list of Ten Actual Commandments that are adhered to by people I work with in the advertising industry (and probably pretty much everyone everywhere, too), while preparing and presenting to clients and potential new clients:

1. Thou shalt not lose faith is one’s own brilliance, even as eyes start to glaze over like month-old donuts.

2. Thou shalt show at least 45 too many slides showcasing your brilliance in creative form.

3. Thou shalt not consider your client’s needs, when your creative brilliance is certainly all that’s separating them from greatness.

4. Thou shalt make at least one reference to social media in a context in which the medium makes no sense.

5. Thou shalt stop presentees in their verbal tracks, should they ask a question, lest that question interrupt your diatribe on the ‘creative processes’ behind the brilliant design for a Duratran ad placement.

6. Thou shalt remove slides outlining rationale thought and prudent planning, lest they prevent another slide for a Point of Purchase display from making the final presentation.

7. Thou shalt not refrain from making at least one false assumption about the potential client’s business or business model.

8. Thou shalt not defer to colleagues, even as you wander into their part of the presentation, lest that ‘break your flow.’

9. Thou shalt never believe for a minute that anyone else’s ideas are at the very least, relevant, unless you ‘internalize them’ to later regurgitate them out as your own ideas.

10. Thou shalt never lose faith is one’s own brilliance, even as eyes start to glaze over. So important, it must be account for more than once.

There you have it, now go forth and prosper my fellow workers and would-be effective business communicators.