Toddler Discipline: Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels Style

Before Guy Ritchie was spending multimillions making mediocre Sherlock Holmes movies, he was the king of low-budget, badass caper movies. Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels and also Snatch not only gave Jason Statham his name, but they stand as two of the truly great caper flicks.

Especially Lock Stock. The movie is a masterpiece on nearly every level: multilayered story, long list of amazing characters, humor, camerawork, soundtrack, and style for days.

Which is why I was beaming yesterday when my wife sent me an email titled ‘Rory Braker Guide To Toddlers’ while I was traveling.

Rory heads one of the many factions of London-underbelly gangsters in Lock Stock, and in one scene, he says this (video below) to a member of another faction:

So when I opened the email, it read:

Hi – used this method tonight and worked pretty well. Think I’ll write a book: ‘Everything I Know about Rearing a Child I Learned from Rory Breaker’. Should be an instant hit. See sample below…

If you hold back anything, you get a time out.
If you bend the truth or I think you’re bending the truth, you get a time out.
If you forget anything, you get a time out.
In fact, you’re gonna have to work very hard to not get a time out, Z.
Now, do you understand everything I’ve just said?
‘Cause if you don’t, you get a time out.

Well played babe. I’m on board, obviously. And thanks for holding down the hideout while I’m out.