LOL!: Yes, Of Course I Totally Know What Escrow Is

 

McSweeney’s author Andrew Humphries has a hilarious piece on being a new homebuyer pretending to know what’s happening at closing. Here’s a taste, a quick rundown of what escrow means, and a link to the full LOL piece:

Mortgage, approved by the notary—check. Routing number copied precisely correct to avoid financial ruin—check. Homestead filed—check. Automatic escrow—I almost certainly did that during the busy home-buying process and just don’t remember it right this second—check.

For what it’s worth, escrow is when there’s a third party collecting and distributing money for other parties.

There are 2 uses of the term ‘escrow’ during home buying and ownership.

First, when you’re a buyer and a seller accepts your offer, you’ll hear the term “opening escrow.”

This means that a third-party escrow company will be the one to hold your initial deposit, and will eventually collect your lender’s funds and distribute them to the seller.

The third-party is critical because it protects you so you’re not giving money directly to seller before you close.

Second, when you close a home purchase you can choose (or some loans require) setting aside money monthly to cover your property taxes (due twice per year in most states) and homeowner’s insurance (usually due once per year).

Your lender collects these property tax and insurance fees from you as additional line items on your mortgage statement on top of your mortgage payment.

They hold it in an escrow (also called an impound) account, and pay your taxes twice per year and insurance once per year.

There’s no charge for this, it’s just a formalized savings plan for property taxes and insurance.

Hit me with questions, and read that post for a few laughs.

Also read this post for the latest on homebuyer affordability.